And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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