She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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