he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
