He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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