highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
