Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
