so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
