She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
