All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
