my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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