He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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