fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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