Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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