i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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