Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
