What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
