tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
