If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
