Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
