Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
