Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
