The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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