hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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