there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
