I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I lost the right to judge tonight
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
