please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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