if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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