Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
