Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
