Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
