I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
