just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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