My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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