You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
