He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
