fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
