have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
