evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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