i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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