p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
