You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
