at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
