i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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