now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
