mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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