i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
