Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
