i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
