I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
