Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
