I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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