1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
