Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
